Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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