mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
