u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
