ADVERTISEMENT

• (425): View more from Washington

  i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....

  Fav 36 3439 973

  share tweet
  

• (505): View more from New Mexico

  I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.

  Fav 23 3385 1092

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (804): View more from Virginia

  I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.

  Fav 17 8486 1134

  share tweet
  

• (423): View more from Tennessee

  two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.

  Fav 35 1180 6836

  share tweet
  

• (702): View more from Nevada

  I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.

  Fav 26 1267 6191

  share tweet
  

• (808): View more from Hawaii

  you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech

  Fav 25 4852 1670

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.

  Fav 2 3250 1309

  share tweet
  

• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place

  Fav 5 2222 989

  share tweet
  

• (301): View more from Maryland

  thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.

  Fav 2 1438 840

  share tweet
  

• (505): View more from New Mexico

  I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab

  Fav 3 1330 848

  share tweet
  

• (804): View more from Virginia

  my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.

  Fav 3 688 447

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (443): View more from Maryland

  Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies

  Fav 0 102 72

  share tweet
  

• (304): View more from West Virginia

  Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.

  Fav 0 38 13

  share tweet
  

• (630): View more from Illinois

  it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.

  Fav 0 21 9

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (518): View more from New York

  Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox

  Fav 0 74 14

  share tweet
  

Randomize