she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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