best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
