We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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