i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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