The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
