I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
