my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
