Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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