Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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