It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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