okay pat passed out under dana's car
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
