"it" just moved
everyone is single if you try hard enough
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Randomize
