She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
