I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
