a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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