he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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