brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
