i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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