I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
