my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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