he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
