so explain again why im purple
no
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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