i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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