I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
