Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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