I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
