She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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