so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
