3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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