mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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