Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
