Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
