"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
