Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's official drugs can't kill me
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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