Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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