Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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