Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
