Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize