The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
