Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
