I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
