Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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