im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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