if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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