He had one of those small greek statue penises
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
