We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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