is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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