His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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