I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I think I am morally bankrupt
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
