my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
