tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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