Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
