Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
