Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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