my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
