you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
