She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
