fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You ruined the universe
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
