yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
