I could have mohawked her pubes.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
