ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
