There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
