Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Did I show you my penis last night?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
