i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
