i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Drunk is a universal language darling
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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