And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
