So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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