so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
