fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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