you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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