He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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