I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
