He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
as a side note pls kill me
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
