batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
