God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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